Poetry

Before we kiss I am that poison that will burn your tongue but you’ll keep asking for more because I am forbidden I am the girl your mother told you to stay away from the girl that your friends told you about, that changes men I am all warnings and signs but then you have always liked danger & red stop signs, always liked rules because you could break them You always kept coming back ‘just one more night’ ‘one more taste’ ‘one more sigh’ and I told you, darling you would fall for me too hard that it will break your knees you’ll never be able to stand to leave again but you laughed it off and now i see you going in circles, round & round too confused with these connections that raise affections and all these needs and all of them for me and you’re desperately trying, love trying to love me but me, i am unlovable I was made, created to turn beauty into ruins love is not written in my destiny in fact it is a curse that is tattooed on me So now that i have told you of the futur...

Sit Love, listen to the little things the simple, the hollow, the thin lie here beside me, the night knows its cue and the big things might never creep in Sleep Love, dream about the little things let a million feathers drag you deep into rest, into light, into day, till the little things sing you to sleep, Love, to sleep

And from the greatest pain there will be rebirth…. And that night I had not a single dream, just a silent dark blue. I do not wish to wake. And I won’t.  I am gone. From what’s left will become me. Fragile and delicate, but wiser.  Stronger still. There is no failure in effort. There is not effort that fails. Goodbye, stranger.  The closer I came to you the further away you leapt. Goodbye, shadow. Goodbye, love.

You’re a rollercoaster, And i can’t stand it. I’m use to the stereotypical rollercoaster. They look like a douche. Act like a douche. And by definition.. They are a douche. But no you don’t look like a douche. No when i look at you my heart melts I feel like crying and laughing at the same time. I’ve been told that’s what love is And i have no doubt that i love you. But when you’re down, i feel like shit You are so cold and unfeeling toward me and just as I’m about to give up. Just as i m about to leave you, You say something wonderful It’s small And it doesn’t last long. But it’s wonderful. And it’s enough to push me to endure another long downward slope. I push through more and more hard cold empty feelings so that i can get another spark of feeling from you. And its because i love you And i have no doubt. But you’re a rollercoaster, And i can’t stand it.

It emerges deep in shadow-light, this low-life lonely gutter-placed doggerel, leaping it pushes forth in tired growl it barks at passersby deep within the chest, it has lost all of emotion. You–the summoner, stand distant; a memory passing in periphery, no state of sense or shame therein. Instead those teeth bare, howling, wounding wandering roams flesh out of its place.

The morning after I saw you My heart is iron nestled between my lungs Rusting but still beating despite how fast Salt can corrode these hard things. Methodically, I’ve collected the times I would be crying Inside my chest; it gets heavy. I know a lot of things, and and when I was fourteen Assembling metals on a display board for the science fair, I was unaware that the invisible measures Of myself could ever matter: the quantity of your affections For me. The total mass of my worth, gram by gram pulled off Me and lost in the white sheets of your bed. I know a lot of things, except for what matters. Nobody can see the gravity pushing us down, So I write poems with my eyes closed.

I have this memory If you could call it that Which I am going to do So I guess you can, also Of a cloudy autumn Morning shackled by Bare feet and guilty Pleasures turned growing Pains to cold, wet sand On a beach somewhere I’ve never been I can feel the wind Coming in off the water Not a whispering wind Not the gentle breeze That comes with day break In a romantic comedy written By someone I might have slept With in another life after Wednesday night coctails on The Upper East Side